Which Came First,
The Chicken or the Egg
I would never buy cheap car
insurance from sites like
www.lowcostcarinsuranceuk.co.uk or temporary
car insurance from those
that advertise at 4 o clock am during the Girls Gone
Wild long commercials, but it was late and I was drunk,
and I needed insurance.
I actually don't care; it's my mom. I still live with
her and even though I am much too old to be included as
a dependent on her insurance policy, she still exercises
a great deal of authority over me. Small price to pay
seeing as I haven't done my laundry or ever had to cook
for myself in my life. I'll take it!
But anyway she makes me go get insurance for myself
before she will let me drive her car. She explains that
her insurance would cover the car if I was driving it,
maybe, and she would have to get an expensive lawyer to
prove that. My injuries would not be covered under any
circumstances. I don't know when she had the time to
read all this, but I trusted her, because I certainly
was not going to read it.
So I check the insurance rates and the only one I can
afford is the rate for farm vehicles. We live in the
city. But I have never been the type to give up,
especially when my beer money is at stake. So I go in
and ask the guy what can I do to get my car registered
as a farm vehicle.
Basically I had to change some things on my registration
and always have some farm related stuff in my car. So I
Well since I still had some beer money, you better
believe I spent it on beer. And you should know that
when I spend money on beer, nothing good can come of it.
This was no different. I thought to myself, what would
be funnier than using a live chicken for my farm related
material to keep in the car? I would be the MAN among my
peer group, who pretty much had the same philosophy on
life as me (which is none). A stunt like that might even
get me laid for the first time in years, because girls
love guys that are daring and do what they want and
Took a trip out to my uncle's farm and got a live
chicken. Rooster, actually. Named him Pedro.
Pedro started going with me everywhere. Parties, the
grocery store, on dates, everywhere! My pals loved him.
He was the hit at parties, which made me the hit at
parties. I actually brought a couple of girls home off
that. Smelled so bad that I didn't get anywhere, though.
What can I say? My job is construction. I don't have to
take any shower that I don't want to.
Whatever. So I'm driving to the grocery store one day to
get some milk and eggs (ha ha) with the window down.
Pedro has long since taken to sticking his head out of
the window like a dog, but this time, I pull up a little
too close to the stop sign. Pedro hits his head on the
metal and the impact jerks his body out of the car. I am
so dumbstruck by this that I forget to stop and this guy
plows into me from the side, totaling my car.
I know I'm in big trouble if I don't get that chicken
back in the car before the police get here. So I
literally throw my license and insurance at the guy, and
run around to get Pedro. He is of course, dead, and
quite bloody. I put him in the front passenger seat and
wait for the cops.
Cut forward 3 months, and my insurance company is trying
to not pay, saying that I misappropriated my vehicle.
I showed the judge my pictures of Pedro, all bloody in
the car. I told him that yes, I was on farm business at
the time and this chicken was my proof. However, after
hearing expert testimony from farmers around the area,
the judge ruled against me saying that this chicken was
"obviously not a part of any agricultural function."
The farmers testified that I had killed the chicken
incorrectly if I had wanted to eat it. They said that
the blood had permeated the edible parts of the chicken
and contaminated it.
What's funny to me is how seriously everybody took the
details. Do you mean that if I had bled the chicken out
on the ground I could have gotten my car fixed? Noted.
Next time I'm just going to ride around with a dozen
eggs and claim that I am incubating them.
the UK Health and Safety Executive, 2009 (only kidding,